Herbert and Hermione
by Jessica12357
Summary: Rookie discovers Herbert with a female polar bear, and the EPF is on the case to find the story behind it while Herbert tries to keep his past a secret from his love.
1. Rookie's Discovery

Note: I do not own any of the Club Penguin characters except for my girl polar bear, Hermione. I had originally written a story called _Herbert's Big Secret _but I deleted it to change the plot. Also, I had this whole Herbert finding love thing plotted out before I read any of TanabiRocks426's stories, which includes my girl polar bear and the fact it takes place after the last Nintendo DS game, so I am not trying to copy their ideas. Also, it's just my theories of what the characters should sound like. For example, Herbert has a Russian accent. You might say I own the accents, so to speak. LOL

Note: This story is Rated T because of some sexual content. Now sit back and enjoy reading! J

"I still don't understand it," G said to Dot. "If Herbert hasn't been behind all this chicanery, where is he now?"

About a week after they had worked with the bear to stop the island from sinking, Dot and Rookie had finally cornered one extremely mischievous penguin who had been behind the Field-Op troubles. He snapped like a twig and confessed everything on the spot.

"We don't know, G," Dot answered. "We'll look into it, though." But they weren't aware of the real story. In fact, the real story had started way before their cooperation with Herbert. In fact, it was sometime between Herbert teleporting out of the Night Club with Rookie's Spy Phone and the infamous obliteration of the PSA. Here's the story: Herbert decided a long time ago to take a walk to plot out logistics of an evil idea, as usual. However, sometime along the way he accidentally fell into a river. Any normal polar bear would've simply pulled themselves out. Unfortunately, Herbert is not a normal polar bear; he can't swim!

And as faith would have it, Klutzy was not in range to hear his calls for help. Just when things were beginning to look bleak, he was fished out by a female polar bear named Hermione. Via conversation, Herbert learned Hermione had become stranded on the island while looking for a mate, and had been there ever since. He also learned they had several things in common, including being vegetarians (of course he never told her how he hated penguins so much.) Needless to say, it was love at first sight for the two of them. After his balloon crashed back into the Wilderness, Herbert soon decided if he was going to keep the polar bear of his dreams at his side, he would have to put a stop to the malevolence he had been behind in the past. Surprisingly, the agent to first find all this out…was the most unlikely to do so.

Rookie was taking a walk in the Wilderness to think about things, especially a certain polar bear. Was he still on Club Penguin? If he was, was he still plotting his evil schemes? What if the penguin was his and Klutzy's secret cohort? All this made his head spin faster than his propeller cap.

Rookie might be a rather fallible penguin, but when the time called for it, he could concentrate on the situation easily. That being said, he plopped down on a log. Rookie was, at this time, deep into the Wilderness, several miles from the Ski Village. But as he was taking in on the surrounding placidness, he heard voices. His first instinct was to hide, until a voice in his head told him, _Rookie, be an agent. Investigate! _

So Rookie mustered up his courage, crouched down low, and crawled towards the voices. Whoever was talking both had Russian accents, one male's and one very soft female's. Mixed in with sweet nothings were heavy breathing, and a bit of mumbling, like their mouths were closed.

Rookie took one look…and wish he hadn't. Herbert was lying on the cold snow floor with Hermione, hitting it off to the max. His paw was placed on one of her thighs, their chests right up to each other as she stroked his neck gently. Right now their mouths were too busy exchanging kisses, and Rookie was so shocked he almost couldn't move. He only made a small gasp, and they immediately looked to see the small green penguin spying on them.

_I've gotta tell G! _he thought, and he ran away as silently and quickly his flippers could.


	2. A New Mystery

Note: If any other author has concept of female crab, I don't know about it and I did not copy you. Plus, the Russian word Herbert uses is pronounced "lo-lub" or something like that. It means love, and I decided to make him have a Russian accent, like I explained in the first chapter. But enough talk. LET'S READ

Herbert and Hermione, the girl polar bear, were now sitting upright. "Who was that, Herbiekinz?" she asked. Herbert was obviously a little ticked off; he knew EXACTLY who it was, and it had ruined his romantic time.

But he wasn't going to tell Hermione any of that.

"I don't know, my любовь," Herbert lied. "But whoever it was, he won't be back under my watch!" The three twigs of hair on his head were in an unkempt mess from the exhilaration of the kiss, and Hermione smoothed them back lovingly and placed another kiss on his lips. Herbert pulled her close, and stroked the back of her neck. "Maybe we could continue this at your cave?" he suggested. "I don't know," said Hermione. "Cutesie is still probably home." Cutesie was Hermione's best friend, a female Club Penguin crab, whom Klutzy was in love with.

"Hmm…so let's go to my base. We'll have plenty of privacy." Herbert used those furry masculine arms and scooped Hermione into them, making her emit a squeal of joy. He carried her all the way to a secret door in the snow. He punched in a code, and unlocked it. They traveled down the stairs, and were safe in Herbert's home. To erase his past, his tools, blueprints, and other mechanical doo-dads were gotten rid of. The super secret lair in the back (the one with the three-key lock) was made into Herbert's bedroom instead (it beat sleeping in his old armchair).

Good thing, too. Herbert carried Hermione all the way to that special door. He fiddled with the knob. It was unlocked, and he kicked open the door. Hermione was gently lied on the bed, which was basically a flat, smoothed out rock with a blanket of Herbert's own fur over it (that may see strange, but it kept Herbert even warmer at night). Then he locked the door with all three keys, and rejoined with his adorable love. The first few minutes they simply gazed into each other's eyes lovingly, Hermione's sky blue and Herbert's a piercing silver. Then Herbert smiled at Hermione, revealing two rows of perfect, sharp, pearly-white teeth. "Where do you want us to start, Hermy Poo?" he asked. Hermione thought for a second, then smiled, "How about…here?" She gently pushed Herbert's neck forward so their lips met once more….

Back at the EPF, Rookie was reporting to G everything he'd seen in the wilderness. G had his lab coat off, and his dress shirt was slightly unbuttoned, revealing a few toned abs. Even his signature tie was undone. Why the informality? The stress of the situation perhaps, or the fact the air-conditioning broke down on one of the few days Club Penguin is warmer than usual (without anything melting).

"Now let me guess this straight…Herbert, THE Herbert, was kissing a FEMALE polar bear?" G asked incredulously. Rookie nodded. "I've never seen anything like it before!" G rubbed his chin in thought. "This is very strange, indeed…what are the chances a second polar bear has become stranded on our humble island? And furthermore, does this she-bear have the same evil intentions Herbert has or did have?"

Rookie shrugged. "I dunno, G…" G smiled faintly. "I'm afraid those questions were rhetorical, Rookie, but they are excellent ones, indeed. Your discovery has brought up a whole new investigation regarding Herbert P. Bear. Go home for now, Rookie. Next time we'll want you on the scene."

Rookie nodded thank you, and after he left, G picked up an EPF phone. "Dot? It's G. Can you create some forest-based costumes. Tomorrow you and some comrades are going to the Wilderness tomorrow!"


	3. The Arrest

The next day Rookie, Dot, and Jet Pack Guy were dispatched to the wilderness for investigation of the reported sighting of a female polar bear. The trio trekked into the frigid cold, armed with medicine and food. One can never be too sure what will happen.

"Where should we look first?" asked Rookie.

"I think it would be best if we split up," said Jet Pack Guy. "We'll cover more ground that way."

"Good idea," agreed Dot. "When we're done let's meet by that O' berry bush over there." The team went in different directions, and Rookie happened to go towards the secret entrance where Herbert lived. It had not been thoroughly investigated yet except for the photos that had turned up from the investigation. Rookie, of course, did not know about the secret entrance, having spied on Herbert at the Ice Rink instead.

The way Rookie discovered the secret entrance was when he accidentally tripped and banged his mouth against the metal handle. He was about to cry in pain when he remembered not to bring attention to himself. He covered his beak with his mouth, which was now bleeding slightly. He uncovered the snow on top of it, and fiddled with it for a second before discovering it was already unlocked. Not wanting to be caught again, Rookie stuck his head inside first. The coast was clear.

Rookie dropped into the room below and scoured the area. Herbert had made a comfortable living space. "Gee, Herbert's place is a lot cooler than my igloo!" There was something in the corner covered by a large tarp. Curious, Rookie uncovered it. It was yet another polar bear statue, only this time it was a female. Rookie didn't need a rocket scientist to figure out who it was: the female bear he'd seen Herbert smooching on the other day. Rookie explored the rest of the rooms, though not much of interest was found. Compared by the photos and details from the agent who had explored Herbert's base first, Herbert seemed to have gotten rid of a lot of mechanical equipment and blueprints from his prior schemes.

The last door Rookie came to had three keyholes. Fortunately, it was wide open so access was easy. Rookie didn't see anyone, and pulled out his EPF Phone.

"Dot, what have you found?" he asked.

"Nothing so far, Rookie," she answered. "What about you?"

"I've found Herbert's base!" Rookie said excitedly.

"That's great, Rookie!"

"But Herbert's gotten rid of a lot of stuff. I-" Rookie heard footsteps.

"Dot, I'll have to talk to you later!" He stuffed his phone into his pocket and hid under the blanket. Though Rookie couldn't see him, Herbert had just came back. Seeing the lump under the covers, Herbert assumed it was Hermione. A sneaky grin came over his face and he slid behind Rookie.

"Hello, Hermy Poo," he said softly. _Hermy Poo? _thought Rookie. Then it hit him. _He must think I'm that girl bear! _"I wasn't expecting you to visit so soon..." Herbert caressed what he thought was Hermione's arm, but was actually Rookie's. Rookie didn't dare say a word. "Hermione..is something wrong? You are awfully quiet!" Herbert said worriedly. Rookie knew he'd have to think fast.

In his best girl voice, Rookie replied, "I just don't feel well is all..."

"Awww," Herbert said sympathetically, "is my poor Hermy Poo getting a cold?" Rookie nodded. He made a fake sneeze for emphasis. He felt Herbert get off of the bed. "Wait here, darling. I'll make you some tea." As soon as he was sure Herbert was out of earshot, Rookie sighed in relief. He fell for it! Just as he was thinking of how he was going to get out, Rookie heard voices in the other room.

"Hermione? What are you doing out of bed? You need rest to cure your cold!"

"Huh? This is the first time today I've been over here, Herbiekinz. Besides, I'm not sick."

"But...I thought you were..." Rookie heard Herbert stopped, followed by angry stomping. His heart pounded. Herbert knew he was there! Just then the blanket Rookie had been hiding under was thrown off, revealing Herbert's infuriated glare. His eyes were staring right at Rookie, but the gritted razor sharp teeth only a few inches from his beak were all Rookie could focus on. Herbert might've been a vegetarian (thank God), but that doesn't make the proximity of his sharp teeth near your face any less scary.

Rookie chuckled nervously, "Can't a guy get forty winks?" Herbert seized him by his throat menacingly.

"Herbert, don't hurt him!" Hermione cried.

"I don't want to hurt him," Herbert replied, not taking his eyes off the trembling penguin. "I'll break his neck so he won't feel anything!"

"Oh no you won't, Herbert!" a voice behind them said. Herbert whirled around, and there was Dot and Jet Pack Guy.

"Herbert P. Bear, Esquire," Jet Pack Guy said dramatically, "you are under arrest for vandalism, acts of terror against penguin society, possession of illegal mechanical machinery, break-ins, disregard of penguin property, escaping apprehension, and taking hostage of an agent. Put the rookie down."

Herbert gulped and dropped Rookie. He knew there was no way of escape this time. Hermione was watching all this in horror; the polar bear of her dreams was...a criminal?

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. The Painful Truth

**Note: I don't want to hear any input about Herbert ****not**** getting what he deserved in the reviews, pleases. It's the whole point of becoming a good guy, okay? Thank you. Plus, my theories on Herbert's real name and where he's from is just for fun.**

**...**

It was a momentous day for the EPF: the elusive Herbert P. Bear, Esquire was finally caught. G, Jet Pack Guy, Dot, and Rookie were present for Herbert's interrogation. Through it they learned several things about Herbert. First of all, Herbert P. Bear, Esquire wasn't his actual name. His real full name was Herbertvial Pavalich Bearesquire. A bit of a mouthful, obviously, but it makes sense when you remember he lied about where he was born, too. Polar bears are not only in the North Pole; they're in the Siberian region of Russia as well, hence his accent. Even with a lie detector measuring everything that came out of his mouth, Herbert confessed everything else he'd lied about. He also explained about Hermione, his thoughts of past deeds, and everything else that might've proven useful to the agents.

It was very lengthy, but when they were finished, the agents reviewed all the truth that Herbert had said as confirmed by G's lie detector, and believe it or not, they had a hard time deciding what to do with Herbert! The statements about how his maliciousness was in the past, how he loved Hermione, and his promise of alliance with the penguins were true, but could Herbert be trusted?

Herbert was placed in a a detention chamber while they discussed the matter. Though it was only about five minutes, it felt like an hour to Herbert. Cooped up in a dimmed cell and no one to talk to, not even Klutzy, made him depressed. Dot had left him some grapes, which was a pleasant change from the regular algae and frozen O' berries he was used to eating in the wild. The cool burst of juice that was emitted when he bit into one refocused his mind to the precarious situation at hand, and he realized the possibility of him being in that cell for quite some time, unable to see Klutzy or Hermione. Herbert looked up at the ceiling and prayed it would be over soon. His heart longed wistfully for both of them.

The agents came to a final decision, and Herbert couldn't believe his ears.

"Herbert," G began calmly, "the polygraph has never lied before, and if you decide to stay true to your word, your liberation will be accepted." Herbert took his final oath with great ecstasy, but not to the extent where it was easily detected. After the oath, Herbert was released from EPF hands and went back to the Ski Village where Hermione was waiting.

"I think that went well!" Rookie piped up cheerfully. As luck would have it, no sooner had he said that than something happened. A sharp smack was distinctly heard, followed by Herbert yelling in pain.

"...Or not," Jet Pack Guy finished dryly. Rookie cracked the window of the Everyday Phone Facility open a tad for the agents to observe. Hermione was definitely angry.

"What was that for?" Herbert cried, rubbing at the spot Hermione slapped him at.

"Like you don't know, Herbert, if that IS your real name!" Herbert snapped.

"I told you that was a long time ago!"

"SO? We were together for months without me knowing any of this!"

"Oh, so I just go up to you and say, 'Hi my name is Herbert, and I am a fugitive!'?"

"That's not the point, Herbert."

"Then what is!"

"THE POINT IS HOW CAN I TRUST YOU!"

Silence.

"Hermy Poo-"

"Don't Hermy Poo me. It's over, Herbert." Herbert fell to the ground and wrapped his paws around Hermione's ankle just as she was turning around to leave.

"Hermione, no! I lo-" Hermione shook off his grasp and trudged away, leaving Herbert in the cold snow. The agents who had been analyzing this dialogue secretively rushed out to their new furry ally.

"Herbert, are you okay?" Rookie asked, though he felt he knew the answer. But the question passed through one of Herbert's ears and out the other, as if Hermione had left him all alone in the world at that moment. Herbert just laid there in that spot, the wind whistling with the air of a sharp reality.

"I don't believe it," he finally said after a long pause. He sat up and buried his face in his large paws. "I've really done it now..."

"What is it, Herbert?" Dot asked, laying a flipper on his shoulder. But she knew very well what the problem was. A drop of clear liquid like water slipped between Herbert's paws and landed on the ground, freezing into a tiny snowflake. More followed, and when Herbert took his paws away, his eyes were red.

Herbert P. Bear, formerly the most dangerous criminal on the island, was _crying. _

"I had a love," he sobbed, "but I've gone and ruined it all! She's out of my grasp!" Herbert continued his melancholy sobbing, and his EPF friends began to comfort him. It felt strange to hate him one day, and become a confidant to him the next. But this is how it was. All through it, though, Dot mentally thought out what she could do to help. Her idea, however, wouldn't come until the next few days...


End file.
